Trust Has Consequences

WARNING: This blog is extremely long. Please do not try to read it while operating heavy equipment or driving a car. Also, it may interact with certain medications causing extreme drowsiness and fatigue. Contact the Lord before reading, and if necessary, seek the help of your physician.

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In 1998, I had finally had enough. I was tired of being in pain. I was tired of being unable to work. I was tired of losing sleep. I was tired of all of the bill collectors. I was tired of being sick and sick of being tired. I was tired of looking at the same four walls all day long as I lay waiting on my next spinal surgery. So, I did what any rationale thinking Christian would do. I grabbed the keys to the car (which I was not supposed to drive), told my wife that I was going to Nashville to check myself in to the Psychiatric Hospital at Vanderbilt because I was losing my mind. I could not take it anymore and I was tired of everyone else around me suffering because of me.

So, off I went. An hour and a half later, I pulled up in front of the Psych Hospital and lo and behold there was an open parking space right in front of the door. This was obviously confirmation from God that I was in the right place. WRONG! Anyway, I limped inside and told the lady at the reception desk that I was crazy and needed to be admitted. She gave me a clipboard with a bunch of forms to fill out and asked me to return them to her when I finished. I thought this was odd because if I was crazy, then why would they want me to fill out a bunch of forms.

Two hours later, the forms long since completed, I was finally called back to meet with an admission counselor. She rarely looked up at me, but stayed focused on my forms she held in her hand. She asked me why I wanted to be admitted. I explained my situation to her. Then she asked me the two key questions that would determine my fate that day. 
"Mr. Fleenor, are you suicidal?" 
"No, maam!"
"Well then, are you homicidal? Do you feel like doing harm to someone else?" 
I said "No, I don't feel homicidal at all." (Except maybe for the lady asking the questions)
"Well, we cannot admit you if you are not."

I was shocked and angry. I came for help and was being turned away. I said to the woman, 
"Let me get this straight. After I told you my situation and admitted I was crazy, you are going to let me get back in a 6,000 pound automobile and drive a hundred miles back home?" 
"Yes sir! Do I need to call security?"
"No, maam, but can I ask you one question? Are you one of the staff here or are you a patient impersonating staff?" 

She did not appreciate my humor and proceeded to call security anyway. On the way out, I asked the security guard how often he had to be called to escort a perfectly sane, rationale person out of the building. He was not amused either.

BUT GOD (yeah, here's another one of those moments)! As I walked out the front door, I remembered a joke that Rodney Dangerfield, the comedienne, used to tell. He would say that he never got any respect. That he had called Suicide Prevention and they had put him on hold! As I remembered that joke, I burst out laughing. That was just what had happened to me. I asked for help and they had booted me out the door. Anyway, I can't tell you how long it had been since I had laughed out loud. As I got in my car, I was still laughing and I think I laughed most of the way home. 

I realized that I wasn't crazy after all (I know! I know! Those of you who know me are reading this and saying, "But he is crazy! Well, maybe I am, but not in the clinical sense of the word.) I had just looked for help in the wrong place and from the wrong people.

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but sought help from physicians." (2 Chronicles 16:12 ESV)

My wife and I have read the bible through each year for the last 9 years. In June, 2013, as we were reading 2 Chronicles 16, the verse above hit me like a ton of bricks. I had read that verse many times in my life, but it had never really gotten my attention before. That happens to a lot of folks. In fact, if you consistently spend time in God's Word, it will happen almost every day. I can see you nodding your head in agreement. It happens to you too. Anyway, I have thought and meditated upon that verse for over a year. It is so rich and deep in meaning. I want to look at it in its context, then tell you what the Lord has taught me through it.

First of all, who was Asa? He was a king of Judah who reigned during the time that Judah and Israel were a divided kingdom. He was one of the good kings (very rare in those days). The Bible says,

"And Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the LORD his God.... and commanded Judah to seek the LORD, the God of their fathers, and to keep the law and the commandment." (2 Chronicles 14:2, 4 ESV) 

Wow! Asa did good because he was obedient to the Lord. He listened and he acted. Almost everything that existed in the land that did not glorify the one, true God, Asa had it removed and destroyed. As a result, all of Judah's enemies were silenced and the people of Judah were able to build and prosper during a time of peace and rest. Asa saw to it that the people knew that their present situation was not something they had earned or deserved, but was by the direct hand of the Lord.

He had no war in those years, for the LORD gave him peace. Therefore he said to Judah.... The land is still ours, because we have sought the LORD our God. We have sought him, and he has given us peace on every side.” So they built and prospered.  (2 Chronicles 14:6-7 ESV).

As we all know from experience, good times do not last. For Asa and the people of Judah, the prosperous times would soon give way to an ominous threat to their very existence. 

"Zerah the Ethiopian came out against them with an army of a million men and 300 chariots," (2 Chronicles 14:9 ESV)

So, what is a king (or any leader) to do when faced with overwhelming forces intent on destroying his kingdom? Asa turned to the Lord!

"And Asa cried to the LORD his God, “O LORD, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and the weak. Help us, O LORD our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O LORD, you are our God; let not man prevail against you.” So the LORD defeated the Ethiopians before Asa and before Judah, and the Ethiopians fled." (2 Chronicles 14:11-12 ESV)

O.K., lesson learned. Trusting in the Lord is a good thing. Judah put their trust in God and God delivered them. However, more trouble was just around the corner for Judah.  

In the thirty-sixth year of the reign of Asa, Baasha king of Israel went up against Judah and built Ramah, that he might permit no one to go out or come in to Asa king of Judah. (2 Chronicles 16:1 ESV)

What was Asa's response? Did he remember the million Ethiopians and how God had decimated them? Trusting God had worked then? Right? So, it's time to trust Him again. A no-brainer? Well, not for Asa. This time he chose a different response.

 Then Asa took silver and gold from the treasures of the house of the LORD and the king’s house and sent them to Ben-hadad king of Syria saying.... Go, break your covenant with Baasha king of Israel, that he may withdraw from me.” (2 Chronicles 16:2-3 ESV)

It was simple. Just pay a fortune to the king of Syria to come and deliver Judah. Let's see here... trust in the Lord or the king of Syria? Evidently, Asa must have flipped a coin and came up with the wrong answer. To make matters worse for Asa, Hanani, the seer (prophet), appeared before Asa and let him have it with both barrels.

“Because you relied on the king of Syria, and did not rely on the LORD your God, the army of the king of Syria has escaped you. Were not the Ethiopians a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet because you relied on the LORD, he gave them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him. You have done foolishly in this, for from now on you will have wars.” (2 Chronicles 16:7-9 ESV)

Then Asa thanked Hanani for setting him straight. Realized and confessed his mistakes. Cried out to the Lord for forgiveness. And turned back to the one, true God. Wrong! Actually, he did just the opposite.

Then Asa was angry with the seer and put him in the stocks in prison, for he was in a rage with him because of this. And Asa inflicted cruelties upon some of the people at the same time. (2 Chronicles 16:10 ESV)

Choosing to neglect the Lord and trust in ones self or in others becomes a slippery slope that rapidly spirals out of control. In Asa's case, it cost him his health and his life. 

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but sought help from physicians." (2 Chronicles 16:12 ESV)

Now let's be honest here. Asa is an easy target. His life and choices are written down in the most read book in the history of the world. He did not get a chance to add an addendum or word of explanation. So, how would your life (or mine) compare if it were written down in the Bible? Don't even want to go there? Neither do I!

We really don't know what motivated Asa to trust in others instead of the Lord. But one thing we should understand is that Asa was no different than you or I. He was a flawed, sinful man who made mistakes and showed poor judgement. He had moments of great service and faithfulness to God, and yet at certain other times, it appears that God was not part of his decision-making process at all. Raise your hand if you see a lot of yourself in King Asa! 

So, for me, the question I have wrestled with for the past year has been this: "Just what does trusting in the Lord actually look like for those of us who are suffering from long-term physical, emotional, relational, or financial difficulties in our lives?"  

Does it mean that I should never go to the doctor and just trust God to heal me? If I do go to the doctor, am I trusting him more than the Lord? Are medicines where I put my trust? Or does refusing to take them show me to be more "spiritual and trusting" than the next guy? 

Oh yeah, what about depression and anxiety? That must definitely be a sign of a lack of faith and trust in the Lord. After all, preachers have told us that for years; "All you got to do is pull yourself up by your bootstraps, trust God, and all this depression mumbo-jumbo will go away!" I often wonder how many suffering people have left the church for good in the last 75+ years (or even worse, how many have committed suicide or hurt someone else) because the church refused to acknowledge that their pain was real. Like my trip to the Psych Hospital, many in the church have sought help only be to put on hold and ultimately have the phone hung up on them.

O.k., just what have I learned from 2 Chronicles 16:12? The same thing I have learned from the totality of all of the Scripture. In everything, seek God first? Make Him your first phone call. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33 ESV) 

I will give you an example. I can't count the number of times I have found myself in physical pain or illness and instinctively picked up the phone and called my doctor, or went to his office (often every week), or just went to the ER. I didn't stop to pray and ask God for guidance, healing, or strength. 

But we all do this, don't we? Maybe the car breaks down, the electric bill can't be paid, the kids need shoes, or any number of everyday problems pop up, we are immediately on the phone or computer or Facebook trying to "devise" a way to fix it. 

We may tell people to "pray" for us, yet all the while, we are frantically attempting to solve the problem on our own. Prayer thus becomes our "back-up" plan in case we fail. It also provides us with a convenient excuse when things go from bad to worse, as they often do. We can say, "This wasn't my fault because I prayed and I asked others to pray. That shows that I trusted God. This must be what He wanted." How many times have you heard this, "When all else fails, PRAY!" No, that's not in the Bible. It's absolutely contrary to everything in the Word of God. The truth is "Everything fails when we don't pray." 

As a former pastor, I want to let you in on an example of how this plays out in real life. A phone call comes in to the church from a church member who just absolutely must speak to me RIGHT NOW! It's Urgent. The sky is falling and it can't wait. Well, oftentimes, I am in with someone else or out of the office. So, a message is taken. Later that day or maybe the next, I call the church member. The majority of the time I hear the following, "Pastor, I am so sorry to have troubled you. Everything worked out just fine. I guess I kinda panicked." Want to know what happened? It's the second thing I learned about trusting God? If I have made Him my first call and I truly trust Him, I will wait for Him to answer. How long does that take, you ask? As long as the Lord takes is the answer. 

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. (Psalm 40:1 ESV)

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! (Psalm 27:14 ESV)

 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; (Psalm 37:7 ESV)

"OK, Tony, I get it. Call the Lord first and then wait on Him. I get that, but should I go to the doctor or not? What about this medicine? My electric bill? My therapy session? The broken down car? Poor Asa trusted in others and look what happened to him? I need answers. Tell me what to do!"

Alright, here goes. Call on the Lord first then wait on Him! Sound familiar? Then go to the doctor if the Lord leads you. Don't feel guilty about it. You are not letting the Lord down as long as you took your situation before Him first. Remember, the doctor does not heal you. God does. But, He often uses doctors as His instruments to accomplish healing. 

One thing I have noticed over the years is the unbelievable opportunities for sharing the gospel that occur in the doctor's waiting area. There have also been many opportunities to share my faith with doctors, nurses, receptionists, and other staff. If we have made God our first call and place our trust in noone or nothing else but Him, then we will consistently find ourselves in the very place He wants us to be.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV) 

Who you choose to trust has consequences in your life, just as it did in Asa's (and just as it has in mine). The choice is yours. The consequences of seeking God first and waiting on Him, OR the consequences of seeking someone or something else first? It is an easy choice when written down in a blog, but it is much more difficult in real life. It is the number one goal for me in the coming months. Won't you join me?

Postcards for Karen

Faith is all about Who we see, not What we see! This has been one of the hardest truths I have ever tried to get a handle on in my life. I remember a couple of humorous stories from an old Reader's Digest that I believe make the point. 

First, there was a little boy shaking under the covers as a thunderstorm pounded his house. His mother came in to check on him. He asked her "Momma, could you please sleep in here with me tonight. I'm scared? She replied, "Honey, you know that I have to sleep with your father." To which the little boy said, "The big sissy!"

Another story was about a mom and dad sitting in the living room during a similar thunderstorm. Hearing loud noises and screaming from upstairs, they rushed to their 8 year-old daughters room. Upon opening the door, they saw what the commotion was all about. Their daughter had the curtains pulled back and was standing in her bed watching the storm. Every time the lightning flashed and thunder rattled the house, the little girl jumped up and down on the bed and screamed out, "Do it again, God! Do it again!"

The thing that made these two stories stick in my mind was a real incident in the 1960s. My brother and I were in our room playing when my mom rushed in and yelled for us to head to the basement "Right Now!" We did, and when we got there she pushed us under the large pool table and then got under it herself. It was only then I could understand what was going on. The sky was jet black and the wind was howling like I had never heard it before. The large metal basement door looked like an accordion as the wind pushed and pulled on it. It looked as though at any second the door was going to be blown away and us with it. I was scared more than I have ever been in my life.

Ten miles away, the same storm struck the home of young girl named Karen Wice. With no basement to run to, her mother grabbed her 5 children and put them underneath a large poster bed and then got under it herself. As the storm got closer, she looked around to make sure everyone was ok when she realized that one of the children was missing. Frantic, she got out from under the bed and went to find them. What she found was little Karen standing on the porch watching the trees being blown around wildly and the sky darker than midnight. She was in awe of it all! Her mother was not, and proceeded to pick her up and take her back inside. 

That little Karen grew up, married me, and for over 35 years has been a constant reminder that there is a different way to look at this world. While I, some 45 years after the storm, still find myself anxious in the midst of storms and Dark Nights, Karen sees Jesus... EVERYWHERE!

From the late-1990's through 2002, Karen would drive me to Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina (8 hour drive) every 2-3 months for treatment. We had an old Ford E-150 2-tone van (well actually 3-tone if you count the spray paint Karen used to try to cover up the rust! No wait, 4-tone if you counted the rust!). The seats in the back made a bed, so I lay in the back. 

To be honest, my view of the sky and landscape was limited. As we were crossing over the Smokies, I heard Karen exclaim, "Oh, how beautiful!" Something told me she wasn't referring to me, so I asked her what she was talking about. She said, "God's creation is SOOOOO Beautiful!" She obviously was looking at different scenery than me, so I raised up to see for myself. All I saw was a cloudy, dreary, foggy day with a heavy mist falling. And it was cold. Not one thing beautiful about it at all. You see, I saw the What while Karen saw the Who!

"There's absolutely nothing beautiful about this at all," I said sarcastically. Karen replied, "Everything God makes is beautiful! What a glorious day this is! God has painted a wonderful landscape, glorious clouds, and majestic mountains. He is AWESOME!" Being the smart aleck of the two (which I am guessing you already figured out), I pointed out that God's paint palette needed colors instead of gray-scale. And then I said the words that have come to best describe Karen's view of the world around her. I said, "Looks like God painted a postcard just for you!" It wasn't meant to be scriptural, theological, or life-altering. It was sarcastic. Yet, my wife said, "That's it! God has painted a postcard just for me. Thank You Lord!" Now that is scriptural, theological, and life-altering. That, my friends, is Karen! And that my friends, is seeing Jesus all around.

Praise the LORD! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! Let everything that has breath praise the LORD! Praise the LORD! (Psalm 150:1-6 ESV)

Over the years, whether blue skies or cloudy, sunshine or rain, snow, sleet, hail, tornadoes, floods, electrical storms, mountains, valleys, wind, etc., I find myself turning to Karen and saying, "Another postcard from God?" "Yes, oh yes," she exclaims, which is followed by her favorite line, "It is SOOOO Beautiful."

But, seeing Jesus is not just meant for His physical creation, it is for all of His creation. Karen's attitude is the same when it come to people she meets and circumstances she encounters. Our running joke over the years is that I married a 12 year old who has yet to age one bit. She has never denied it. Even takes it as a compliment! Which explains why this remarkably intelligent woman with a Master's Degree in Agronomy from UT Knoxville, chose to teach pre-K children instead. A woman who understands single-variable calculus and statistics, as well as other concepts I can't pronounce, prefers to hold little babies and sing to them about Jesus. Who loves to read stories to children and teach them about Jesus. 

She genuinely loves practically everyone she meets. I have never been around anyone like her. Sadly, I have never been close to being like her myself. She is one of the very few who can spend all day with 20 four year-olds and be more invigorated at the end of the day than when she started. I, on the other hand, can stop by her classroom to drop off lunch and find that in less than 2 minutes I need out of there. Where's the door? How does she do it? She sees Jesus in every child and every family. All I see is chaos. Again, the difference between the Who and the What.

You might be thinking, "Hey she has a great, kind, handsome, gentle, adoring, and extremely humble husband who has provided her with a cushy life." Those who know me will no likely think to themselves, "Karen has remarried? I still thought she was married to Tony!" As for the cushy life, she was hit by a car at UT Knoxville while walking in a crosswalk in 1994 which causes her problems to this day. She survived cancer. She survived 3 strokes over 11 years ago that have affected her greatly. She survived the teenage years with our 2 children. Well, to be honest, we have 2 biological children and over a hundred others who have called her mom over the years. She lost her sister Kathy who she was very close to over 10 years ago. AND she has cared for me and my health issues for over 20 years. She is a Saint. Just not a perfect one! Too good to be true? Yes! True? Absolutely!

OK, some may wonder if I am writing this blog because I am in trouble with my wife. I am always in trouble with my wife. I could have written this blog at about any point over the past 35 years. But, the Lord led me to do it now because many of us are going through life and missing the countless "Postcards From God" that He prepares for us each day. They end up returned as either "Undeliverable" or "Address Not Found." This is especially true when we are struggling through times of despair and hopelessness either from physical problems, family issues, finances, jobs, wrong choices, or a busy, materialistic, ME! ME! ME! outlook. We can't see Jesus in anything if our focus is on ourselves.

However, our faith in Jesus is strengthened when we see Jesus all around us. It reminds us that He is close, that He cares, that He is still at work in our lives, and that He is Alive! Our problems become His problems and part of His plan. As I have said, this is one area I struggle with the most. Fortunately, having Karen around encourages me so much. And the Lord has used her to change my focus radically.

For example, a few months ago someone stole $80 from Karen's pocketbook. In our financial situation, that was a fortune. My usual response would be to blame Karen for not paying attention, or accusing her of simply misplacing the money. I would not have been kind or thoughtful. I would have been furious! However, when she told me what happened, my first response was "I guess somebody needed it worse than we do. God has it all in control." WHAT! Did I actually say that? Yes! Did I mean it? Yes! But Why did I not respond like I usually did? Because I saw the Who (Jesus) and not the What ($80 stolen).

But there is more. Seeing Jesus in this particular situation caused me to miss out on a lot. I missed the arguing and anger that usually occurred. I missed Karen's tears that were normally a result of my words and actions. I missed the higher blood pressure, the headache, the churning stomach, and the loss of sleep. What I found was a peace and a faith that just knew God's plans had been confirmed.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9 ESV)

We cannot see things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise with eyes that are focused on ourselves and the world. In this letter to the church at Philippi, the Apostle Paul told the people to think on these things. All of these things point to Jesus. Seeing Jesus requires that we must first have Jesus on our minds and in our hearts. 

Only then are we able to find peace. Paul's faith in Jesus was evident to all. His conduct was an encouragement to all. His testimony was a strong and powerful example to all. Therefore, he could say to watch and imitate him. Then they would see Jesus in all things, and find the peace they desperately needed and desired.

In a Dark Night? Finding it impossible to see Jesus from where you are? Just look around. Who do you have around you? Whose example are you following? Do they see Jesus all around themselves? Are the Postcards from God evident in their lives? If not, can you see where, what, and who needs to change in your life? 

Like the way you feel? Like feeling hopeless? Helpless? Alone? Worried? Angry? Frustrated? Good news! You already feel that way, so you don't need to change anything. Do you want a different life? A different perspective? Hope? Start with Jesus. End with Jesus. Walk with Jesus. Listen to Jesus. Seek out those who love and see Jesus all around them. Then imitate them. 

Although there are literally hundreds of Karen stories I could tell (all absolutely true, yet a lot of people cannot believe that they are), one stands out as pertinent to this blog. From 1994-2001, I spent most of the time in bed unable to walk and in a lot of pain. One day I yelled and screamed at Karen practically the whole day. Nothing she did was right. I was angry and bitter and she bore the brunt of it all. Later I fell asleep. 

At about 3:00 in the morning I woke up. When I did, I could hear Karen crying in the living room. However, she wasn't crying about how badly she was being treated or how terrible her husband was. She was on her knees pleading with the Lord...FOR ME! That's right, ME! She was praying for me, asking God to forgive me, pleading with Him to heal my pain and hurt. She never once asked anything for herself. No person can kneel before the throne of grace with that attitude and under those circumstances unless they see Jesus in absolutely all things. That's right, Karen saw Jesus in me even though there was no evidence of it at all. 

Question: Do you see Jesus in all things? You have mail. Check out the Postcards from God in your life. Put them on the fridge. Share them with others. They are Postcards just for you! And they are SOOOOO beautiful!