Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?

It was the early 1990s and there I was laying in the bed, in tremendous pain, very depressed, and paralyzed. I was waiting for my first spinal fusion surgery to attempt to correct the problem. The doorbell rang and I heard my wife greet the couple from our church who came to see me. I was so glad to have someone to be there, to lift my spirits, soothe the hurt, and encourage me in the Lord. And if nothing else, to keep my mind occupied so that I could forget about all the anxious thoughts and the physical pain for a little while. BOY WAS I WRONG! 

One of the first statements out of their mouths was "If you had been living right, this would not have happened to you." In the next few minutes, I heard "So you see Tony, God is punishing you for some sin in your life. If you just confess it, he will heal you and you can get up out of this bed" AND "Do you tithe? God is going to get His money one way or the other. If you are not tithing, it is no wonder God has put you in this position" AND "Nothing like this has ever happened to our family. We have been "faithful to the Lord" and He has blessed us instead of cursing us." 

Now, you might be thinking that I am overreacting to a single incident. And if this was just an isolated thing, I would agree, but over the next months/years (and even up to today) I cannot count the number of visits, phone calls, and cards that I received repeating similar condemning language from self-described "faithful people of God." Well let me tell you (or if you have been there, you know what I am talking about), those folks would have helped me much more if they had just walked in and shot me between the eyes with a gun. For every time it happened, a little part of me died. My guilt and anguish increased. 

I already felt bad enough that I could not work, could not provide for my family, could not even go to the bathroom without help, and for some reason, could not avoid "those people." I actually put a baseball bat beside my bed. I said it was for "protection." And it was! I wanted so bad to hit the next person who spoke such nonsense right up side their head. 

BUT GOD! I love the places in Scripture where things are going in the wrong direction and the next verse begins BUT GOD! In my case, I was reading through Job. I could not relate to the enormity of Job's loss, but I sure could relate to the treatment he received from his so called "friends." The first 7 days went very well. Job was comforted by them. It also helped that they did not open their mouths for the entire 7 days.  However, when they finally did, each one threw more and more gasoline on the fire of Job's despair. Hey, I thought, I know those guys! They have been in my house! How could they still be alive after all these years? 

Of course, the question on everyone's mind in the book of Job was WHY? Why had these things happened to Job? Everybody had an opinion. Everybody was also very wrong. When the Lord finally spoke in chapter 38, he never explained WHY. He pointed out who He was and what He had done. He reminded Job that Job did not have a clue about the WHY and if God were to try to explain it to him, he would not understand it anyway. Job got the message. In the last chapter, Job says "Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." (Job 42:3). 

At first I thought "Yeah, all of these so-called "friends" trying to give me advice are just ignorantly saying things they know nothing about. I can agree with that." And it was actually true in their case. BUT GOD showed me a more disturbing revelation. It turns out that I, too, was uttering and judging about things that I had no understanding about. As my old friend Wilkie Johns used to say "Some people lives and learns, and some people just lives." 

So, you have found yourself in deep despair. Circumstances have overwhelmed you. The situation is hopeless.The diagnosis looks very bad. The pain (mental and physical) is more than you can tolerate. Your finances are in shambles and bill collectors are ringing the phone off the hook. You are angry, hurt, and bitter. You are taking it out on everyone around you. You don't even want to pray or read the Bible. All you want to know is WHY? "If I could just know WHY, I could deal with all of this much better." That is a lie! 

If we can't know WHY, then we try to make a deal with God, "If you could just heal me, I will read my bible, pray, tithe, go to church, teach a Sunday School class, go on a mission trip (hey I know, I will even start my own mission in a country that desperately needs the Gospel), sing in  the choir, mow the church lawn, drive the church van, and hand out bulletins every Sunday." The problem with that is that God does not negotiate.

Let's look at few examples from Scripture to see if we can find a common thread concerning ones circumstances and the question of WHY? 

First, take John the Baptist. His birth and mission were prophesied hundreds of years before he was born. An angel of God spoke to his father and told of who John would be. Once he began his ministry, he did every single thing that God had foretold that he would do. He preached and traveled everywhere God asked him to go. He pointed people to Jesus (the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world). Jesus would say of John that among all people ever born, no one was greater than him. 

So, when John the Baptist found himself in a prison cell, he had to think that Jesus would get him out of there. After all, he did all that was asked of him. How could anything bad happen to such a person? So what did happen? Herod had John beheaded! 

I can't help but wonder about the conversation that first couple who visited in my home would have had with the beheaded John the Baptist. "John, if you had been living right, this would not have happened to you." "So you see John, God is punishing you for some sin in your life. If you just confess it, he will heal you and you can get up, put your head back on, and get out of this prison." "John, do you tithe? God is going to get His money one way or the other. If you are not tithing, it is no wonder God has put you in this position." "Nothing like this has ever happened to our family. We have been "faithful to the Lord" and He has blessed us instead of having our heads cut off." Ridiculous, huh? You see, John lost his head so God could be glorified. 

We see the same thing with Job. Job did not know about the conversation between satan and God about him. He didn't know that it was God who pointed him out to satan. So then, WHY did he suffer? So God could be glorified!

Let me make one thing clear. While it is true that most of the time we do not know the WHY of our circumstances, there are times when we do. For example, read the book of Jonah. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh. Jonah refused and tried to run the other way. God sent a storm and Jonah told the men on board the ship that this was all his fault for disobeying his God. Overboard he went and a great fish swallowed him up. 

Jonah was in the belly of that fish for 3 days. With seaweed wrapped around his head, darkness all around, putrid smells filling his nostrils, and worst of all, the knowledge that all of his predicament was his own fault. In this case, Jonah knew the WHY? But guess what, even then it all happened so God would be glorified. The people of Nineveh were saved. 

Try to always remember that the WHY of your circumstances is not the important thing. It will drive you crazy (been there, got the t-shirt). It is the WHAT that will turn your attitude and circumstances around. "God, I know that what is happening to me first passed through Your hand. You decided to allow this to happen for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I am tired of trying to figure it out. Lord Help me to trust You! After all, that is what is really going on with me. I am in this circumstance. You allowed it. You are good. But to be honest, You have not gotten a lot of glory from the way I have been acting and living through these Dark Nights of the Soul. I want to do better. I want to trust You. I want you to use these times to make me to look more like Jesus and less like me."

What do I do now? If you have been disobedient to the Lord, repent! Ask His forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." If your life seems hopeless and spiraling out of control,  one thing is for certain: You cannot fix it yourself. After all, if you could fix it, you would have done so a long time ago wouldn't you? Jesus is the HOPE you are so desperately looking for. People will let you down. He won't!

What else do I do? Pray, even though you don't feel like it. Read the Bible. I always tell folks to start with the Psalms. They minister to the full range of human emotions, circumstances, and pain by reminding us of the faithfulness, provision, and love of God. Seek out godly counsel from your pastor, a godly friend, or a counselor who does biblically based counseling. Talk to your doctor about any medical issues that might be contributing to your difficulties. Finally, reach out to someone else who is hurting and minister to them. What a blessing you will find when you listen and encourage someone else.

Some reading this might say, "Wait a minute! I am not a Christian. My life is out of control. I feel hopeless. What do I do?" First of all, not being a believer, you have absolutely no relationship with God. Prayers are useless since it is Jesus who makes intercession for us before God, and you have no relationship with Jesus. Your sins are not forgiven because you have not committed your life to the One who died on the Cross in your place - Jesus Christ. Not having committed your life to Christ, you do not have the Holy Spirit of God living within you to guide you in understanding the Scriptures, in prayer, in all the ways that separate Christ followers from the rest of the world. 

To be blunt, you are still in your sins and you have not confessed and repented of those sins. Without Christ, your life is indeed the hopeless pit of despair that you describe. With Jesus, although trials and tribulations still occur, you finally have HOPE because He says that once you are His child, He will never leave you or forsake you. So, you are never alone. He is always with you because the Holy Spirit is within you. Now that is HOPE in the Darkest Night and all other nights as well. 

Just pray the only prayer that God hears from non-Christians, "Lord, I am a sinner. You sent your Son to take my place upon the Cross where He died and paid the price for my sin. I believe that You did that. I commit my life to you as my Savior and my Lord." 

Remember, repeating a prayer or speaking a few words does not save you from your sin. Praying a prayer or saying certain words will only save you if you truly and sincerely mean them with all of your heart. Romans 10:9 says that "...if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." 

How will you know? The Scripture says one who has truly been saved through Jesus Christ, is "a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17) In other words, the old you has died and the new you will look differently, act differently, and desire differently than the old you. You will want to read and study God's Word, be with God's people, pray for others, treat others as Jesus would. If the "new" you isn't any different than the old you, then you are still the old you and you are still lost in your sins.

PS - Don't let the title or some of the wording in this blog give you the impression that Christians are not very good at helping those who are suffering. I only used a few examples here to make a point about those who do not know how to do so. The vast majority of fellow Christians who have ministered to me and my family over these years are unbelievably caring, compassionate people. I will use an upcoming blog to chronicle their love to us and to the world.

What to Expect in This Blog

Why this blog? Why the title "Jesus is Hope in the Darkest Night?" Why me as the blogger? Well, the answer to all of the above is that I am not really sure WHY? What I do know is that over the course of 22+ years of multiple physical, spiritual, financial, and emotional challenges, as well as long periods of being bedridden and unable to walk, I have had more "Dark Nights of the Soul" than I can count. As is the case in most such situations, to try to explain the WHAT can be as difficult and confusing as the WHY? The WHAT includes multiple failed lumbar spinal fusions and one failed cervical fusion over 20 years ago which has left me with debilitating spine and joint pain, paralysis at times, severe neuropathy, depression/anxiety, sleep apnea, and severe obesity. 

The root cause of all of this was a tumor on my pituitary gland that stopped production of hormones needed for bone growth and bone repair. Without them, my bones weakened and finally shattered at L-5 causing paralysis. Attempts to fuse the spine failed since I was not producing what my body needed for the fusion to solidify. Four additional surgeries were unsuccessful. Spent almost 7 years in bed at that time, but those would not be the last. Not by far!

The damage to my pituitary has had other, even more profound effects on my health. Called panhypopituitarism, the result has been hypogonadism (extremely low Testosterone), Secondary Addison's Disease (Adrenal glands do not work, so I have to take steroids for the rest of my life to stay alive), Acromegly (Extremely high Growth Hormone and IGF-1 levels), Cognitive and memory problems, Eye and Vision deterioration, Osteoporosis of the spine, and constant joint/muscle pain and weakness.

So, over the past 20+ years I have spent a lot of NIGHTS and DAYS wondering just where I went wrong. What had I done to deserve all of this? I have spent thousands of hours on the computer trying to find out and "fix" what was wrong with me. I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. Many people have also prayed for me and my family (and continue to faithfully do so). I must admit that I have often had "knock down - drag out" prayers with God. Yes, there have been many times when I questioned whether God existed at all. Or if He did, He must be some kind of cruel God who enjoys the suffering of people. After all, there is so much suffering in the world and since He created it, He must have meant for suffering to be so prevalent. I know I am not alone in feeling this way.

I guess, when it comes down to it, that is the reason for this blog. You see, the one thing we truly cannot live without is HOPE! Jesus is that HOPE! I was saved when I was 12 years old. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I know that when I die I will spend eternity in Heaven with Him. I don't fear death, but I sure have this thing about suffering and pain in this life. My hope was for healing. My hope was for relief from the constant pain. My hope was for strength. My hope was for things to be as they were before. My hope was for the ability to work and provide for my family. My hope was for smarter doctors and miracle cures. Boy was I wrong! 

My only HOPE was and is Jesus! You are probably thinking...."Well, duh? You are a former pastor. You mean to tell me you didn't know that?" Yes and no! I did know that, but in the middle of suffering, we often lose our sight in the darkness of the circumstances. This is a battle that I find myself winning and losing all the time. I suspect, a lot of people who read this blog feel the same way.

I cannot speak about your own "Darkest Nights" because frankly I don't know. What I can tell you is that the HOPE you so desperately desire can only be found in Christ. In upcoming blogs, I want to share with you Jesus' desire for your life in the midst of difficult times. His perspective on your trials will help you to see how much He cares for you. The depths of His love for you. The reason that His cruel death upon the Cross gives all of us the true HOPE we are searching for in this life and in the life to come. Don't worry about failure. I fail Him every single day. Yet, in all of my life, He has not one time failed me. Even in the middle of the Darkest Night!