Lessons From My Grandson - Part 1

Carter Reece Phillips 2008

It was the fall of 2008. I had just picked up my grandson, Carter, from Northeast School where he was in the first grade. We were waiting in line to leave the school parking lot when he looked over at me and said, "Pop Pop, do you know what I am going to be when I grow up?" I replied, "No Carter, I don't know." He looked at me and said proudly, "I am going to be a preacher like you." Well, what do you say to that? I thought for a second and said, "If that is what God calls you to be, I will be so very proud of you."

As we turned onto the main road, I thought that part of the conversation was finished. It wasn't! Carter spoke up again and said, "Yep, I am going to be a preacher....... (long pause) OR a rodeo clown!" I almost lost it right then. I turned to him and said, "Well, I know some preachers who are clowns and some clowns who can preach, but whatever God calls you to be, I will still be very proud of you." As I think back on that day, I realize that God places before us endless opportunities and unbelievable avenues to a life that is full and amazing. Carter knew that. I still struggle with it.

Over the years, I have found that the Lord has used Carter Reece Phillips to teach me some of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. It didn't take him long to get started. On the day he was born, I had taken my daughter, Mary, to her regular appointment with the obstetrician. I was not supposed to be the one to take her that day. Her mom usually did that, but she had to work.

However, it was no accident that I was the one who went with her. This was made even more apparent when Mary came out of the doctor's office, told me she was in labor, and we headed next door to the hospital in Crossville.

It was 2001, and I had spent much of the past 7 years in bed recuperating from 5 failed surgeries on my spine and a tumor on my pituitary gland in my brain. The "Dark Nights" were getting darker and darker. I was more than ready to give up. To tell the truth, most days I just wanted to die and be released from the physical and emotional pain I was in (see my last blog "Poppy, I Don't Want You to Go" for insight on why giving up is never an option).

From early on that September 5th day, I lay in the waiting room waiting for our first grandchild to be born. To be honest, I was more concerned with how bad I was hurting and how long I had been waiting than I was about this new addition to our family. For "some reason," at about 3:05 pm, I got up and went to "stretch my legs."

Suddenly, I found myself right outside my daughter's room. I heard a cry and a nurse came out of the room to get something from across the hall. As she turned to go back in the room, she asked if I would like to see my new grandson. Now, I am as squeamish as they come. Plus, I thought I would pass out. I started to say no, but yet again for "some reason," I said yes. The nurse took my arm and led me into the room.

To make a long story short, Carter Reece Phillips entered the world at 3:09 pm, and the first person to hold him was not momma or daddy or grandma, but ME! The nurse turned around and placed him in my arms. Only God could have made things work out that way.

I stood in the middle of that room trembling. Part of it was being afraid I would drop him, but mostly it was from seeing this precious gift from God. For that moment in time, there was no pain, time stood still, the cares of this world ceased to exist, and there was noone else in the entire world but me and my grandson. It was (and is) a bonding that only God could forge. I will never forget that moment or the way the Lord led me into that hallway and then into that room so I could be the first to hold him. The Lord had orchestrated that whole day to infuse bright light into my darkness, and for 13 years now, God has used Carter to continue to dispel the darkness.

Six days later, I took Carter and my daughter to his first doctor's appointment. As I held him in the waiting room, all I could think about was whether he was ok. His appointment was at 9:00 am. I noticed that the TV in the waiting area was showing a Breaking News Alert, but sitting there holding my grandson was all I cared about. He finally got called back. His checkup was excellent. I left relieved and thankful to God for His blessings.

Oh, by the way, in case you haven't figured it out, the Breaking News Alert was about planes flying into the World Trade Center. Carter's appointment was September 11, 2001. Our country was under attack, yet all I cared about was the health of my grandson. In only six days, the Lord had used Carter to profoundly change his Pop Pop. And that was only the beginning.

I have mentioned this before in my blogs, but it bears repeating: Other than my wife, Karen, Carter is the best friend I have ever had in my life. He is not perfect. But those of you who have grandchildren can testify that they are about as close as you can get to perfect. And I do get upset with him sometimes. I have even spanked him "ONCE" in 13 years! He has forgotten it, but I still carry the scars around in me.

I know what you are probably thinking right now. "Tony, I understand your love for your grandson. But what does this have to do with me and my circumstances?" Well, if you are struggling in your own "Dark Nights," you probably could not help but smile or chuckle as you read the first part of this blog. Let me ask you this - When was the last time you remember doing that? See, God has blessed your life through Carter and many of you have never met him. I want to share with you some other lessons I have learned. I bet they will bless you as well. They will definitely open your eyes and heart to the dreams and possibilities that are all around us.

Carter is a dreamer. He is curious about everything. He sees the world much differently than you or I. His insights can take your breath away. One evening I was in my study working on a sermon. He was 3 years old. He stood by the recliner and asked, "Whatcha doin' Pop Pop. You working on a sermon?" I said, "Yes I am." He continued, "A sermon about God?" I smiled and told him, "Why yes, it is a sermon about God. How did you know?" Then he proceeded to get my total attention by saying, "You know Pop Pop, I saw God!!" Whoa! What!! How do I proceed with this conversation? Should I just let it go? Change the subject? No, I asked the obvious question, "Carter when did you see God?"

He looked at me and said, "When I was in my momma's belly, I saw God." I was speechless. I quickly pondered the theological questions that came to my mind. I considered the fact that he was only 3 and did not know what he was saying. Then, I started to do what I always do when these kind of issues came up -- that is, I decided to call to my wife and have her handle it. But before I could do it, Carter climbed in my lap, looked me right in the eye, and asked, "You do believe me don't you Pop Pop?" At that point, there was no doubt in my mind that he had seen God.

After he told me, he hopped out of my lap and ran out of the room looking for another adventure to explore. I was left with his words seared into my brain. Then several Scriptures came rushing into my mind:

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:5 (ESV)

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; (Matthew 11:25 (ESV)

but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:14 (ESV)

Have you ever noticed that when you talk to a child about God, their eyes light up? Have you ever in your life heard a young child say that he/she doesn't believe there is a God? As adults, we may know that the Scriptures say, “...with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26 (ESV), but most of the time we don't believe that. Our words and actions actually reflect the exact opposite. However, ask a child about what is possible with God. EVERYTHING! No doubt at all! Their eyes sparkle as they talk about all that God can do.

You may be startled to learn that YOU and I used to be just like Carter. It was a shock to me when I thought about it. How did I get from that child-like faith to the negative, flimsy, hit-or-miss faith that I find in myself today? People will say that it is only natural for that to happen. It is part of growing up. There comes a time when we have to put away childish things.

Let me get this straight --- we start out with unquestioned belief in God, absolute trust in Him at all times, we see Him all around us (even though most adults cannot), we love Him with all of our heart, we can't shut up when we talk about Him, and our prayers actually come from our heart and we expectantly believe that God not only hears but answers them. 

So, growing up and losing all that is a GOOD thing? Does it make sense to you that we should be glad that those "childish" things are gone? When you read the New Testament, Jesus makes it very clear. If we desire to know him, we must come to Him as a child! We are, to be sure, to grow in our knowledge of Him and strive to be more like Him, but we are never supposed to lose that child-like wonder and awe that He gave to us before we were born.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

The history of the world is filled with innumerable illegitimate parents, but in all of that time, there has never been an illegitimate child. God knew each of us before we were conceived. He literally knit us together in our mother's womb. He sees our unformed bodies. He knows the time of our birth and He knows every single day of our lives before we have taken our first breath. Don't believe me? Ask Carter? Ask your children? Grandchildren?

You see, a God who has been so intimately involved in your entire existence is not going to abandon you when times get tough. You were (and are) "fearfully and wonderfully made." The creation that is you was no accident. It was not some random event. You were created out of Divine love by a Heavenly Father who has not and will not ever let you down. 

Many people struggle with the whole idea of God being our Father. My friend, Alice Dyer, explained it this way. "Tony, you have two children, right. Imagine if one of them ran off, stayed away for a long time, and got into all kinds of trouble. One day, the police show up at your door with them and they ask you if this is your child, what will you tell them?" I said, "I would say yes officer that is my child." Alice continued, "See, no matter where they go or what they do, it does not change the fact that they are your child. God is the same way. Even though we may feel as though we have let God down by our actions, it does not change the fact that He is our Father and we are His child." 

Continued in "Lessons From My Grandson" - Part 2. Click here to go to Part 2 
http://jesusishopeinthedarkestnight.blogspot.com/2014/10/lessons-from-my-grandson-part-2.html

"Poppy, I Don't Want You to Go..."

Kairen Olivia

Last week my 9 year old granddaughter, Kairen, who lives next door, came over to check on me. When she came in the bedroom, she took one look at the the pain I was in and the bruises all over my body and hugged me tight. Then she looked me in the eye and said, "Poppy, I don't want you to go." I replied, "Go where, Kairen?" She answered, "I don't want you to go to ..... heaven." I said, "You don't want me to go to heaven?" With tears in her eyes, she explained, "No poppy, I don't want you to go to heaven "right now."

Woody Allen once said, "I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens." No matter who you are, there comes a time when we all must deal with the certainty of death. For most people, it comes in their 20s/early 30s at about the time they begin to lose grandparents, parents, and others. My grandfather, Lonnie Pridemore, died on May 3, 1978. I remember that day so vividly because my high school principal came to my first period class to get me and told me what had happened. It was then my responsibility to go to my younger brother Greg's class and tell him and then drive us home. It was the first time I had faced the death of someone so close.

On April 18, 1985 (3 days after his 51st birthday), I got a call in the middle of the night telling that me my dad, Lester Fleenor, had suffered a major heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. I was living 30 miles away, but made the trip in 20 minutes. When I got there, my uncle was waiting outside and told me that it was too late. Dad was gone.

I never got the chance to tell my grandfather or my dad goodbye. I could not tell them I loved them or how much they meant to me. I never got to hug them one last time. In fact, the one thing that kept running through my head for months was the fact that my dad and I had argued the last time I had seen him. He was in the right, yet I refused to listen. I wish I had not done that, but you see, I didn't know that there would not be a "next time" with him. That is the case with most of us. We seldom know when that "last visit" will occur.

When I returned to work a week after dad's death, one of the first people to greet me was an older electrician named Joe Baker. Joe put one hand on my shoulder and said, "Tony, people will tell you that time will heal a lot of the hurt you are feeling, and I guess that is true, but my dad died 40 years ago and there has not been a single day in those 40 years that I haven't thought about him. Not a day that I don't miss him."

Joe Baker was right. I sit at this computer right now (29 years after dad died) and I have trouble seeing the screen or the keys because of the tears. My heart aches. My mind is flooded with pictures of ball games, cookouts, working in the garden, and playing catch. I still hear his voice as he tried to teach me life lessons about what was truly important -- God, family, country, hard work, honor, integrity, honesty, keeping your word, thinking of others before yourself, and love. But come to think of it, most of those things I learned from him were not spoken at all.

For example, during the summer he would come to pick my brother and I up from the Boy's Club at the end of the day. He would stand at attention with his hand over his heart and tears in his eyes as we lowered and put away the American Flag. It wasn't just there. He did the same thing no matter where we were when a flag was being raised or lowered. He had a deep abiding love of this country and what she stood for. Unlike many today, he was not ashamed of his country or of his service in the Army during the Korean War. When I was young, this was all kind of embarrassing. No matter what the TV news said or how it looked to anyone else, my dad stood proud and tall in support of our country. I still think of him and see that salute every time I hear the national anthem or see a flag being taken down. It is a life lesson that circulates in my soul to this day. 

During the late-1960s, when America was in upheaval due to the Vietnam War and racial tensions, I had no clue that I was supposed to hate people whose skin color was different than mine. Our house was 2 blocks away from the Little League baseball fields in Morristown. My team was the only team in the league that was evenly divided between black kids and white kids. Most evenings during the summer, my dad would grill out in the backyard. Players (black and white) would come by, eat some great food, laugh, play and act stupid, and then head over to practice or a game. Dad never had to sit me down and explain to me about treating all people the same. He didn't have to. His example spoke volumes.

For a long time, I would find myself picking up the phone to call dad to tell him about some problem or ask his advice. As I hung up the phone, my sense of sadness, loss, and pain would overwhelm my body and mind. When I was paralyzed in 1993, I really needed my dad. During those first 7 years of mostly bed confinement, many days and nights I was so angry with God for taking him away. My life, and the lives of my family members, would have been much different if he were around. But, he wasn't.

A lot of my anger about his death stemmed from all the stories I heard from people about my dad. Turns out, I thought, my dad was a doormat. It seems as though every person I talked to had stories about my dad getting up in the middle of the night to go and help someone whose heat had quit working, or their car was broken down, or their lawnmower would not start, or they were stuck in the snow and needed help, or they could not find their pet. Middle of summer or dead of winter, my dad never said no. The stories just kept on coming. I became angry at my dad and all of those folks because they had "used" him until it finally killed him. If they had not taken advantage of him, I reasoned, he would still be alive.

I carried that anger for many years. It became even worse when I realized that I was married to a woman whose attitude toward serving others was just like my dad. Through her example, I eventually realized that it was the love and service to others that had kept my dad alive for many years. It was the joy of helping others that strengthened his heart, not weakening it. Just another life lesson my dad taught me without saying a word.

What a testimony my dad had. In fact, it is a testimony that has survived him for 29 years. It is a testimony that literally thousands of people have told to others. It is a testimony that I give witness to this day. It is a testimony that continues to inspire me, my family, his grandchildren, and even his great grandchildren who never knew him. It is a testimony that surpasses anything he accomplished during his 51 years on the planet. Which begs the question: What will people say about the testimony of my life after I am gone? What will they say about yours?

In March, 2009, I was a Transitional Interim Pastor at BonDeCroft Baptist Church in White County. On a Friday evening, I found myself in the Cookeville Hospital ER. After several hours, a CT Scan of my chest revealed multiple blood clots in my lungs. Doctors and nurses came from everywhere. They were giving me injections, starting an IV with several bags of medicine in my arm. I was told I would be going to ICU and that things did not look good. I was close to dying. Yet, I was at perfect peace. Now that was weird!

You see, my wife Karen, who was beside me in the ER, is the strong one in the family. I think it has something to do with teaching Pre-K for 30+ years on top of being married to me. She has seen it all. She had also been through 16 years of my health issues already. She was and is a rock. I am the one who became a blithering idiot in times of great stress. She was always able to keep me from totally losing it. However, when the ER doctor told us how bad it was, our roles were completely reversed. Here I was at complete peace. A peace I cannot explain. A peace I had never known before or since.

My "rock," on the other hand, began crying uncontrollably. She started praying "Lord please don't let him die. I don't want to lose him." (Now if you are a woman and you have read any of the previous blogs,you might just be thinking, "Let him die! After all he has put you through, let him die"). But thank God I did not marry you! Well, for 8 days I was in the hospital. When I was released, I was told not to do any preaching or traveling for a couple of weeks. However, one of church members at BonDeCroft died and I was asked to do the funeral four days later. During that funeral, I shared with the people about what had happened in the ER. I said, "I was at peace and ready to go home to be with the Lord, but my wife kept praying for me to live. If it had not been for her prayers, I would not be here today." That's when it hit me.... Karen had prayed me right out of heaven!

In the 5+ years since then, there have been many days and nights when I have felt so bad that I longed and actually ached for heaven. The "Dark Nights" would be unbearable without the hope of heaven. The late Bill Bright, in his book "The Journey Home" wrote, "Seeing difficulty through the eyes of God is the only way I can comprehend anyone coping sensibly with death and dying." The Apostle Paul put it this way,

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home (body) is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling.... For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. (2 Corinthians 5:1-9 (ESV)

Christians living in the midst of chronic, debilitating health challenges, can testify that we are so glad that the bodies we currently have on earth will be replaced with new, glorified, perfect ones once we die. That promise from God is a great source of hope and strength for all Christians. But we must be careful about how we interpret that promise. 

For some, the answer is to essentially "give up" on their lives here and sit around waiting to die. I have been guilty of this myself. Even now, laying in this bed every day and staring at the same four walls makes things much more difficult. My health deteriorates daily, my pain increases daily, my muscle atrophy worsens daily, and my mental functions worsen daily. I must fight the urge to give up. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 (ESV) 

I can rationalize my situation to justify giving up. After all, every doctor, endocrinologist, neurologist, and neurosurgeon has said "Tony, it is really bad, but there is nothing we can do. We can't stop it. You'll just have to try to cope with it the best you can." See there! I want to give up. The doctors want me to give up. Must be the right thing to do. Right? No, WRONG!

At this point, you may be wondering just where this blog is going right now. And, in some ways, you would be rightly concerned. I am just as anxious as you are to find out what the next sentence will be, much less the rest of this post. One of the advantages of cognitive decline is that what I write is often as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. So, hang on, I am almost finished..... I think!

So, why not just give up? I mean if there is no hope of improvement. If there is no medical procedure or research that might be of help. If the end result, death, is assured, and the only question is when or how soon? Then, even Mr. Spock from Star Trek would tell me that giving up was the "logical" thing to do. 

If you will remember the first paragraph from this post, you will see why giving up is not an option. My granddaughter Kairen doesn't want me to give up. She wants me to go to heaven, but not right now. She needs me and I need her. Despite how I feel about being stuck in this bed, she is next door and could care less that I can't do things with her like a "normal" poppy. She climbs on the bed, prays for me, sings to me, laughs with me, watches YouTube videos with me, and talks to me. Kairen is a reason I must not give up.

More Kairen Olivia

You see, how I live in the midst of these "Dark Nights" will have a profound impact on her as she grows up. Not only her, but her older brother Carter (who just turned 13 and is the best friend, other than my wife, that I have ever had in my life. There is a blog coming with his name on it. You do not want to miss that one!), my daughter, Mary, her husband CJ, my son, Jeremy, granddaughter Chloe, my wife, Karen, grandchildren Madison, Jacob, Parker, and Lane, my friends and other family members, my church, the churches I have served as Pastor, as well as others who read this blog and many other people who I have never met or may not have even been born yet. They are many of the reasons I cannot give up.

None of us can truly comprehend the length and breadth that our testimony (for good or for bad) will ultimately reach in this world. When we find ourselves in the middle of a "Dark Night," we hardly ever think about these things, but we should. If we are honest, our God has given us a lot of people that have influenced our lives. Some for bad and some for good. We learn from them both. 

But I challenge you right now to look around and look back and see the impact that people have had in your life. Where would you be today if they had just given up on themselves, on you, or on God? Our stories and our lives would be radically different. So, for a Christian to just give up when times are difficult becomes the ultimate act of selfishness. If I give up, that makes it easier for the next person to give up too. What kind of testimony would that be? What and whose stories will be told in the vacuum of life that I would leave if I just gave up and quit? I do not want to find out the answer to that question. Do you?

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 (ESV) 

My dad did not give up. He was frustrated toward the end of his life because he could not do many of the things he once did. He now resides in heaven with a wondrous body in the presence of a glorious Savior. His example, while on this earth for a short time, is one that is still producing good fruit long after he died. Praise God, my dad did not give up. He is another reason I cannot just give up.

My Jesus is the real reason that I cannot give up. Since I trust Him, I know that what I am going through has a purpose. Since I know Him, I am confident that His purpose is for my good and His glory. Since He lives in me, I know that He will not leave me or forsake me at any time. Since He suffered and died for me, I realize that He knows what it is like for me to be in pain and agony. Since He rose from the grave, death and dying are no longer foes to fear, but defeated foes for all time and eternity. 

While the doctors offer no hope for me, my Jesus sure does. When I was a young boy, the first long passage of Scripture I memorized was John 14:1-6. It was my grandmother's, Arkie Pridemore, idea. Yet to this day, it remains the most comforting Scripture passage for me. Jesus knew His disciples were struggling with the fact that He was going away. They were still shocked by Jesus' words that one of them would betray Him. And they still didn't understand why Jesus had washed their feet. It would have been easy to just give up. But Jesus pointed them to heaven and the home He was preparing for them. If they (and you and I) would keep that focus, our hearts would not be so easily discouraged and willing to give up. 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going. Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:1-6 (ESV)

Finally, I want you to know that you can be a good Christian, love the Lord, and want to glorify Him even if you struggle with many of the things I have discussed over the past few months in this blog. As you have seen, if struggling is proof of a failed walk with the Lord, then I have obviously failed big-time. I am so glad it is not! We are all human beings. We are frail. We are sinners. We all fall short on so many levels in our Christian walk. 

While the lives of other Christians can be a great source of encouragement and strength to us, it is important to know that our goal is not to act or be like anyone else. Our goal should be to be like Jesus. If you feel the need to give up, please give it all up to Him. He knows what to do with it. 

Check out the video below. It has been an awesome blessing to me. A reminder of who Jesus is and how He has everything under control. Hallelujah, He Lives in Me!

Mercy Me - You Are  I Am

God's Way or Not God's Way? - Part 2

Click here to view "God's Way or Not God's Way?" - Part 1

Some people think they are so smart! I know because I used to be one of them. I loved to watch the game show Jeopardy and impress people with how many questions I could answer. Unless the category was Opera, I could usually answer 90%. Trivial Pursuit was easy. Other similar games and TV game shows were also easy.

Even at family gatherings and in school, I loved to show off. I knew all the lyrics to songs. I knew all the TV shows and movies and who played which characters. I knew every NFL player and their position. I knew historical figures and events, as well as politicians and world leaders. I was a know-it-all and I loved to prove it to people. My wife told me many times, "Tony, you have more irrelevant knowledge in your head than any person on the planet." I took that as a compliment, but it wasn't! 

You see, what was in my brain was not knowledge, but just a bunch of facts, figures, names, and dates.

You are probably thinking "Well, what does your arrogant, know-it-all attitude have to do with the "Dark Night" I find myself in right now?" OR "I am doing OK right now, what could you possibly say that would be helpful to me?" If you will just give me some time here, I will share with you what I have learned about wisdom and knowledge. As usual for me, I had to learn it the hard way!

On December 20, 1993, when I woke up paralyzed below the waist, my life was turned upside-down and inside-out. I was only 33 years old and things like that were not supposed to happen to people that young. If you had asked me the day before, that is exactly what I would have told you. What a difference a day can make in our perspective.

The first thing I realized that morning was that all of that irrelevant knowledge in my head, my degrees from Tennessee Tech, my athletic ability, my physical strength, (not to mention my quick wit and boyish charm) were of little use to me. 

The knowledge I needed in my time of despair was Jesus, but I had spent so much of my life placing importance on things that didn't matter. Maybe you didn't notice, but one game I did not mention above was Bible Trivia. I had not spent enough time in God's Word to even know the "facts" of the Bible, much less the Truth that I now so desperately needed.

Early in Scripture, God reveals to us how important it is to know His Word. Before the children of Israel entered the Promised Land, God had Moses tell them the things they should do and the things not to do (ie God's Way or not God's Way?). He gave them the Ten Commandments. He warned them about the dangers ahead and the temptations they would face. The people needed to know what they believed and why they believed it BEFORE they set foot in Caanan.

Why? Well, you and I both know how difficult it is to figure out what the right thing to do is when we are in the middle of difficult circumstances. In the heat of the moment, our judgement and best intentions often fail us. God did not want that to happen to the children of Israel. He wanted them to know what was right before they got there, so when trials arose, they would already know how to respond. 

The same applies to us. Since we are told that we will face trials in this life, God has given us His Word to teach us how we are to live. If we read and obey it, we will not find ourselves unprepared. That morning in 1993, I was totally unprepared for what was happening to me.

In the last post, we looked at Psalm 1:1. In  that verse, God shows His great care for us by telling us how to live if we desire to be blessed. No need to think about it or debate it. Simply, do not do these things. (see the post entitled God's Way or Not God's Way? - Part 1 for the examination of verse 1).

The man or woman who is blessed of God knows and lives the "Way"

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (Psalm 1:1 (ESV)

In this post, we will begin with Psalm 1:2. Here we find that,

The man or woman who is blessed of God knows and lives the "Truth"

but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. (Psalm 1:2 (ESV)

The word "delight" seldom comes up in our conversations anymore. It means a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment. Those things which we truly delight in are the things that bring us joy. They take up residence in our minds and hearts because we think about them more than anything else. In Psalm 1:2, God tells us that if we desire to be blessed, His Word must be the thing that we delight in day and night. The prophet Jeremiah echoed the same truth.

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts. (Jeremiah 15:16 (ESV)

In Psalm 1:2, the word "meditate" means to "mutter" (or to have God's Word in our mouth). How do we do that? We have to read God's Word. We must ask the Holy Spirit to help us to understand that Word. We need to find a Scripture-focused church where the teaching from the pulpit, the Sunday School classes, and opportunities to study God's Word in-depth are available. Most of all, we have to want to! It is not just important, it is critical for ourselves and those who will come after us. 

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (ESV)

As a Christian, I neglected the reading and studying of God's Word for many years. Oh, I read and studied a lot of other things. That was the source of all of that irrelevant knowledge in my head. But, the Scripture says we are to love God with ALL of our Heart, Soul, and Mind. One way we demonstrate that is to have His Word within us. 

Notice, if we do not have His Word in our hearts/minds/mouth, we cannot teach them to our children and grandchildren. We cannot talk about it when we are in our home, in town, in our bed, at our job, or anywhere else. When we try, we end up with an empty bucket out of a dry well.

But why is it so important? Because God says so? Well, that is obviously not good enough for most of us or we would be doing it already. But look at it this way -- if we have God's Word in our mouth and in our heart all day long, then our focus will be on ....... you got it - God! 

If God is on our hearts and minds all day as we think about Him, then when difficult trials occur, difficult people cross our path, difficult problems arise, and difficult decisions need to be made, we are much more likely to see them through Jesus' eyes than if we had been focusing on ourselves or the world around us. Knowing God's Word will actually help us to avoid the temptation and sin that attacks us daily.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:9-11 (ESV) 

So far we have seen that Psalm 1:1 shows us the "Way" a man or woman of God should live. Psalm 1:2 shows us the "Truth" (God's Word) we should focus on daily. In Psalm 1:3, we will see the results we can expect by obeying the first two verses.

The man or woman who is blessed of God knows and lives the "Life"

He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. (Psalm 1:3 (ESV)

Verse 3 compares those blessed by God to a tree. A tree is a living thing. It is alive. It is beautiful. It has stature. It has purpose. It is fruitful. It is a glorious thing to look upon. That is who we are in Christ. Without Him, we were dead sticks in the mud. Certainly not alive! All over the world, there are 4+ billion dead people walking around with no life in them at all. 

Imagine what a sight it must be for them to see committed people of God whose life in Jesus stands in such a drastic contrast to the cold, lifeless lives they live each day. 

Why are they dead? They have no roots in Christ. They have no way to draw upon the fountain of living water that He provides to those who call Him Lord and Savior. When we, as Christians, live the "Way" God tells us and know the "Truth" found in His Word, then our root system in Him grows deeper and branches out farther. We become stronger in Him, so we are not easily swayed by the storms that enter our lives.

Notice also that verse 3 says the tree was "planted" by streams of living water. In other words, the seed wasn't blown to its place by the wind. It wasn't dropped by a bird. It was not an accident or a random event. It was purposefully planted in the best spot possible. When you plant a seed, it must be placed in the right soil, at the right depth, and close to a dependable source of water.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Before a tree can be a tree, the seed must die! 

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. (John 12:24 (ESV)

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— (Ephesians 2:4-5 (ESV)

We can't do anything if we are dead. We have no hope. No joy. No peace. No salvation. So many people continue to go around trying to "plant" themselves in the right situation, the right job, the right attitude, surrounded by the right people, doing the right things, and trying to live the right life. They try to find some other way (any other way) to become "alive," yet fail every time, because they choose not to do things God's Way.

But God's Word tells us that the one who chooses His Way must first be willing to "die" to his/her old ways and nature. They must be willing to "turn around" (literally = REPENT) from the direction they were heading and place their faith, trust, and life into the hands of Jesus. The old self dies and we become a new creation. A LIVING creation planted and watered by Almighty God. 

...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor. 5:17 (ESV)

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” ....Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:10, 13 -14 (ESV)

Psalm 1:3 says that the tree (planted and watered) "yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither." WARNING! If you do not want to be offended or made to feel guilty, DO NOT read any further! Stop Now! If you continue, it will be your own fault. Do Not .... I repeat .... Do Not Blame Me! Take it up with the Lord. So, here goes! TREES DO NOT EAT THEIR OWN FRUIT!

When we walk in the Way, Truth, and Life, we will be fruitful for the kingdom of God. The fruit will be evidence that we have lived as God has called us. However, the fruit is not the blessing! Sure, God blesses us when we choose His Way, but the blessings are not ours. What we choose to do with those blessings will determine how fruitful we truly are for God.  

Blessings are not ours to keep. If they were, we would be like a tree eating its own fruit. When we grasp the blessings so tight and refuse to let them go, we make the blessings more important than God. 

So, how do we respond to God's blessings? First, praise Him and thank Him for them. Then (and here's the hard part for most of us) ask the Lord what He would have you do with that blessing in order to bring glory to Him. 

Let's say God has blessed you financially or physically or in your marriage or in your family. What do you do with that blessing. Do you keep it in your pocket? Put it in the bank? Keep silent and not tell anyone about it? Do you say "Man, I sure needed that?" 

OR

Do you say, "Lord, who do you want me to give this to?" "My heart and life have been blessed. How can I use this blessing to help someone else?" Here is the key to all of this: If you can't give it away, you are in bondage to it and you miss out on some of the greatest blessings of all. When you hold on to the blessings, you become miserable. When you give them away, joy and delight fill your heart.

In Psalm 1:4, we find some of the saddest words in all of Scripture. 

The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away.(Psalm 1:4 (ESV)

In contrast to the tree in verse 3, the "wicked" (those who deliberately refuse to go God's Way) are compared to chaff. When wheat is harvested, only the seed that is to be used is needed. Everything else that is harvested along with the wheat is called chaff. It is useless. It has no value. There is nothing good about chaff.

Wheat weighs more than chaff, so in Jesus' day, farmers would throw both the wheat and the chaff into the air. The wheat, since it was heavier, fell back to the ground. The chaff, because it was so light, was usually blown away by the wind. This is where we get the saying "separate the wheat from the chaff." 

Do you see why verse 4 is so sad? God has spent the first 3 verses telling us how we can be blessed by Him, but in verse 4, we see the obvious..... most people will not listen to or obey His word. It's not God's fault. He does not want you or I to be chaff. He gave us His Son and His Word to help us to know that there is a way to live that brings light, life, and hope. 

God does not want anyone to go to sleep at night under the burden of knowing they are not doing things His Way. Once again, we come back to the fact that there are no gray areas in God's Word. You are wheat or you are chaff. If you are the latter, are you not tired living that way? You see that things are not working out the way you have chosen to live your life. So, the choice is yours.  

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. (Joshua 1:8 (ESV) 

Allow me to return to the theme of the first part of this blog - the irrelevant knowledge in my head. Most of us who lived in the 1980's when computers first came on the scene became familiar with the acronym "GI = GO." It stood for "Garbage In Equals Garbage Out." In computer terms, it meant that the output of the computer depended on the input of the programmer. If you put garbage into it, your output would be -- Garbage! If you input the correct data, the output would be good. 

That was what happened to me. I was constantly putting in garbage and expecting good results. It did not happen. GI=GO! And to be honest, I still fall back into that trap sometimes even now, especially when the Dark Nights of pain and despair rise up. 

When I realize what is happening to me I get mad at myself for doing so. But then, I turn to God's Word and God's people to help remind me of the Truth. This helps me to change the GI=GO to "GODLY IN = GODLY OUT!" Nothing irrelevant about that formula. Works every time!

If you honestly look at your life and conclude that it is full of irrelevant stuff and garbage, the only way to get rid of it and be blessed is to change what you are putting into your heart, mind, and soul. Read God's Word. Focus on the things of God. You will be amazed at how your life and attitude will improve. 

If you want your life to continue just as it is (garbage and all), then the good news is that you do not have to do anything. Just keep on doing what your doing. I am not picking on you. That was my attitude for a long time. I was the definition of an idiot -- one who keeps doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Don't be an idiot like me! Try God's Word and see how different the results will be.

God's Way or Not God's Way? - Part 1

This blog reveals details of my life that I would prefer not to make public. Yet, God has used these events in my life to mold me into the man I am today. So, I will not be ashamed of that which God has forgiven.

From October 6, 1980 until August 18, 1989, I worked at the TRW Steering and Suspension Plant in Rogersville, Tennessee. I was 20 years old when I started and 9 years later I was a 120 years old! I left a job as a grocery store manager where I was working 100 hours per week to go to TRW. The hours were less (I thought) and the pay was much more. I didn't pray about it at all. I just did it.


The reason I did not pray about the change in jobs was that during the previous year, the Lord had really convicted me that He was calling me into the ministry. After church one Sunday, I let my wife know about it and she was so excited.... until I told her that there was no way that I was going to do it.

It didn't really make sense in the first place. I was saved, but my life, my marriage, my bible knowledge, and any "objective" measure of my spiritual life showed no hint of someone who God could use. Besides, I was only 20 years old with a wife and young son and another child on the way. Obviously, God had gotten it all wrong and I let Him know it.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. (Proverbs 14:12 ESV)

So off to TRW I went. For 9 years I worked 10-12 hour shifts, 7 days a week often for 4-5 months at a time (including all holidays) without a day off. I made great money, but I was miserable. All I did was eat, sleep, and go to work. My wife, who never wanted me to go to work there in the first place, begged me to quit. She saw what was happening to me. I did not. I could not. Nobody within 10 counties was making as much money as I was. So, I stayed there. It is, in a lifetime of stupid decisions, the single worst decision I have ever made. My marriage, my family, my health, and my life have never been the same.

If you go back to the first couple of blogs and read about the multiple health problems I have, what you are reading is a direct result of my work at TRW. Not just the physical and mental toll of working so many hours without a day off, but as it turned out, the cause of the initial tumor on my pituitary gland was most likely due to the chemicals I was exposed to at work.

Early in 1989, the call to ministry resurfaced. Once again, I balked. Instead of listening to the Lord, I decided to quit my job and move the family halfway across the state to Cookeville in order to go back to college. I was absolutely running from God. I was hoping that since I had never heard of Cookeville before that God hadn't either. Running and hiding from God?? No wonder the first sermon that I would preach was about Jonah. But I am getting ahead of myself.

Several other factors contributed to my decision to leave TRW. First, I began to notice that I could no longer complete a sentence without using profanity. It was something that had happened gradually. But, when I first really noticed it, I felt so ashamed at what had happened to me, as well as disappointed in the person I had become.

Second, I started to see what the job was doing to the people I worked with. My department was the one area of the factory that worked 7 days a week constantly. Other departments worked a lot of overtime, but nowhere near what we did. However, while I was begging for weekends and holidays off, most of my coworkers were begging to work. I saw grown men crying and pleading with supervisors to find them something to do on the weekend even if just meant sweeping and mopping floors.

I didn't understand it at the time, but I realized later that even though we made a lot of money, we were not rich! Our income only made it possible for us to have good credit so we could borrow more money. The people begging to work were caught in the trap of owning things that they had to work all the time to pay for. Which meant they could not enjoy the stuff they bought because they were always working. A vicious circle that the Scripture warns us about many times.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity... (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

Third, I saw what was happening to marriages and families of the people I worked with. Men and women spent more time at work than they did with their families. Since I often worked second shift (3 pm - 3 am), I was asleep when the kids went to school and I was at work when they got out. As the years went by, I saw many families torn apart. People had chosen their jobs over their families and the price they paid was a horrible one.

Everyone suffered, especially the children. Many men and women left their spouses for someone at work because they spent more time with them and talked with them more. When it came so close to happening to me too, it was time to get out!

So, I filled out all of the necessary paperwork to leave TRW in April, 1989. My last day would be August 18 (I was to start college at TTU on August 21). I notified them early because I knew the temptation to stay would get worse the closer I got to August and I wanted to make sure there was absolutely no way I could back out. It is a good thing I did because the last few months were the most difficult and trying months I had ever experienced.

My so called "friends" immediately turned on me when they found out I was quitting. Many stopped talking to me altogether. Others were constantly attacking and berating me. They would say things like "You aren't actually going to leave, are you? Nobody has ever quit their job here. You won't go through with it." OR "Are you crazy? Look at how much money you make. You can't make that kind of money anywhere in East Tennessee." OR (my favorite, yet most ironic attack) "Think about your family, Tony. How are you going to support them. This is such a selfish decision on your part. Think about it!"

However, the worst attacks were lodged against my wife. Wives of my coworkers would call Karen and actually yell at her for "letting me quit." They cussed her, called her every name in the book, and in a couple of instances, actually threatened her with physical harm if I went through with my decision to leave. Why, you may ask? The theme of all the calls was essentially the same: Now that someone had decided that they cared more about other things than the income they made at TRW, other men and women began pondering the same thing. This made the spouses (men and women) furious. They didn't care if the job was killing their spouse or that their children were being hurt. All they cared about was the money. My leaving was a threat to them.

Finally, August 18th arrived. I hit the backdoor of the plant and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yet, to this day, the physical, emotional, psychological, and financial repercussions of choosing to ignore God's calling on my life are still with me. On nights when my sleep is disturbed and the pain is unbearable, 100% of the time, my dreams (nightmares) are about TRW. I can see the people, hear the noises, touch the equipment, and even smell the stench of that factory. I wake up gasping for breath with a racing heart and cannot go back to sleep.

You may be thinking "Tony, that is so horrible. Where was God during all of this?" Well, I am glad you asked. You see, there was a life and a plan that God had for me. When I chose to ignore His clear intent for my life, my choice came with consequences (yours do as well). God loves you and me. He sent His Son to die on a Cross for you and me. He is a forgiving and merciful God. So, where was God? He was right there with me the whole time. The pain of the last 25 years is not His fault. It's mine. The fact that I am writing this blog and have served Him in ministry says nothing about me, but it says everything about Him. He is an awesome God.

Many people struggle with decisions they must make in their lives. Bookstores, the internet, TV, and yes, even blogs, offer self-help advice, books, videos, and seminars on how you can have your best life now. How you can overcome and achieve anything if you put your mind to it. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Be successful. Get rich. Look better. Find the perfect mate.... and the list goes on and on. What's even worse is that many of these peddlers of "name it and claim it cultism" are so-called Christian preachers and bible "experts." So, where do we turn for the truth? The only place where all truth exists - The Word of God.

Have you ever noticed that there are no gray areas in God's Word? There is God's way and there is not God's way. No gray area in between. The Bible says there is good and evil, right and wrong, heaven and hell. You can be a wise man or a foolish man, walk on the narrow road or the wide road, lay up treasures in heaven or on earth, enter by the narrow gate or the wide gate, you cannot serve God and money. Ephesians 4 makes things so clear that even I cannot miss the truth:

There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call — one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:4-6 ESV)

We have one choice and two options. We must choose either God's way or reject God's way. Both choices have consequences. You and I have experienced the consequences of the latter, as well as the blessings of the former. So, why is it so difficult? Well, for one thing, we tend to view God's way as "constraining," "living by a set of rules," and "not a lot of fun." But answer me this, "Just how has living not God's way been working out for you?" Not living God's way is dark, painful, and filled with bondage. God's way is light, liberty, and freedom.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1 (ESV)

Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. (1 Peter 2:16 ESV)

The most controversial thing Jesus ever said is found in John 14:6 "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life no one comes to the Father except through me." Again, simple, straightforward, no gray area to be found there. You want eternal life in Heaven with God, Jesus is the only way. You are free to reject it and choose not God's way. You may try to find some really smart scholar, author, or self-help guru to find you another way, but if it is not Jesus, then all other ways are not God's way no matter how good they may seem to you. 

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 1. Once again, the Scripture is very plain. If a man or woman wants to be blessed (happy) in their life, the psalmist gives us an outline of what that person's life will look like. For this blog post, I am only going to look at verse 1. 

In Psalm 1:1 we find that the man or woman who wants to be blessed (happy) is going to know and live God's Way.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (Psalm 1:1 ESV)

First, the Way we are to live should be based on the counsel of God and not men. That sounds simple enough, but, let's face it, we may say we want God's counsel, but our actions speak otherwise. We turn to the world for advice all the time. I've done it and you have too. 

We seek worldly counsel because it makes us feel better about ourselves and it leads us in the direction we want to go in the first place. But God says, "Don't do it! I want to bless you, but you have to seek after My counsel." Often we respond just like the people did to the prophet Jeremiah,

Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ (Jeremiah 6:16 ESV) 

Seeking the counsel of the wicked (ungodly) is the start of a slippery slope. Once we turn to the world for counsel, then the next thing we know we are standing alongside the world. The blessed man knows where the righteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. The unblessed man knows where the unrighteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. Who are you standing with? Don't tell me you don't know. You do! You may not want to admit it, but that does not change the facts. Ungodly counsel leads to ungodly friendships and makes one an enemy of God. 

...Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4 ESV)

Already in verse 1, we have seen a progression from listening to the counsel of the world to standing alongside the world. Now, the Scripture points to the next, logical step along the path we have chosen -- sitting with the world. We have heard the world and we have walked with the world and now we are so comfortable in our position that we can sit down with the world. 

Who are the scoffers? They are everywhere! They are the negative people who find fault in everything. They are loud in their disdain and contempt for the things of God. Oh, they may not speak of God directly, but their actions, words, and attitudes are completely opposed to God's Way.

When I first started work at TRW, I was young, very shy, and naive. I didn't know anyone there, so I kept to myself. During our breaks and at lunch, I sat alone, but I noticed a large group of men who sat together at a long table. They were laughing and they were loud. Eventually, they invited me to join them. Before long, I was laughing at their crude humor, listening to their horror stories about marriage, and especially their attitudes toward women. I was taking in their counsel without even having to ask. 

Pretty soon, I went from listening to their counsel to hanging out with them before and after work. Playing golf with them. I was standing with them because I knew who they were and they had accepted me as one of their own. I was on the fastest part of the slippery slope I talked about earlier. 

Finally, I became one of them. I was sitting with the scoffers. No, actually I felt so at home that I became one of the scoffers myself. I could cuss with the best (worst) of them. I could tell jokes just like the ones they told. I would share stories about my marriage and my wife. I even started to bum cigarettes from them even though I did not smoke. That is how comfortable I was in sitting with them. By the time I decided to quit, I was the "leader" of that whole group of people, and I would be the one to "invite" newcomers to "come and join us at our table." They would! And the vicious circle was complete.... Except for one man, Joe Edwards.

Joe never would sit at our table. I hated Joe Edwards! He showed up to work early. He started working on time. He did not go to break or lunch early like the rest of us. He was back at work when he was supposed to be while the rest of us lingered around in no hurry. He did not cuss, smoke, or drink. He was always smiling and had a kind word for everyone. And in return, we all despised him. 

Joe was a Christian! During lunch, he might pass by our table and pat one of us on the back and invite us to church. As bad as my vulgar mouth was, he never criticized me or pointed his finger at me. He would simply put his arm around me and say "You know, you don't have to be like them. Let me know if I can help you." I despised him even more.

However, when I decided to quit my job, the only person in my department who congratulated and assured me that it was ok was.... yeah, Joe Edwards. 

During my last months there, I sat at a different table. With Joe. I realized that the reason I had hated him was because the testimony he lived out in front of me was so Christlike that it convicted me of just how far I had strayed from the Lord. It was not a pleasing experience. It hurt. And it was all Joe's fault. Well, it was God's fault, but it is a lot easier to blame someone else than to blame God. 

Today, I thank God for placing Joe Edwards in my life. I don't believe I would have left my job without his influence on my life. It has been 25 years since I left TRW. In all those years, there is not a week that goes by that I don’t think about Joe Edwards.

Sadly, as I was preparing this blog, I discovered that Joe passed away 3 years ago. I wish I could have told him what he meant to me and how God has used me over the years. Somehow, I think he knows. 

Is there a Joe Edwards in your life? Does your life reflect Christ to those who you come in contact with? Most of us want to be blessed (happy) in our lives. Well, Psalm 1:1 lays out the first steps for living that will lead the believer who follows it toward a blessed and abundant life. The rest of Psalm 1 builds upon that foundation. Unless, the Lord leads otherwise, we will look at the rest of Psalm 1 in the next blog.

Click here to go to "God's Way or Not God's Way?" - Part 2