From October 6, 1980 until August 18, 1989, I worked at the TRW Steering and Suspension Plant in Rogersville, Tennessee. I was 20 years old when I started and 9 years later I was a 120 years old! I left a job as a grocery store manager where I was working 100 hours per week to go to TRW. The hours were less (I thought) and the pay was much more. I didn't pray about it at all. I just did it.
The reason I did not pray about the change in jobs was that during the previous year, the Lord had really convicted me that He was calling me into the ministry. After church one Sunday, I let my wife know about it and she was so excited.... until I told her that there was no way that I was going to do it.
It didn't really make sense in the first place. I was saved, but my life, my marriage, my bible knowledge, and any "objective" measure of my spiritual life showed no hint of someone who God could use. Besides, I was only 20 years old with a wife and young son and another child on the way. Obviously, God had gotten it all wrong and I let Him know it.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. (Proverbs 14:12 ESV)
So off to TRW I went. For 9 years I worked 10-12 hour shifts, 7 days a week often for 4-5 months at a time (including all holidays) without a day off. I made great money, but I was miserable. All I did was eat, sleep, and go to work. My wife, who never wanted me to go to work there in the first place, begged me to quit. She saw what was happening to me. I did not. I could not. Nobody within 10 counties was making as much money as I was. So, I stayed there. It is, in a lifetime of stupid decisions, the single worst decision I have ever made. My marriage, my family, my health, and my life have never been the same.
If you go back to the first couple of blogs and read about the multiple health problems I have, what you are reading is a direct result of my work at TRW. Not just the physical and mental toll of working so many hours without a day off, but as it turned out, the cause of the initial tumor on my pituitary gland was most likely due to the chemicals I was exposed to at work.
Early in 1989, the call to ministry resurfaced. Once again, I balked. Instead of listening to the Lord, I decided to quit my job and move the family halfway across the state to Cookeville in order to go back to college. I was absolutely running from God. I was hoping that since I had never heard of Cookeville before that God hadn't either. Running and hiding from God?? No wonder the first sermon that I would preach was about Jonah. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Several other factors contributed to my decision to leave TRW. First, I began to notice that I could no longer complete a sentence without using profanity. It was something that had happened gradually. But, when I first really noticed it, I felt so ashamed at what had happened to me, as well as disappointed in the person I had become.
Second, I started to see what the job was doing to the people I worked with. My department was the one area of the factory that worked 7 days a week constantly. Other departments worked a lot of overtime, but nowhere near what we did. However, while I was begging for weekends and holidays off, most of my coworkers were begging to work. I saw grown men crying and pleading with supervisors to find them something to do on the weekend even if just meant sweeping and mopping floors.
I didn't understand it at the time, but I realized later that even though we made a lot of money, we were not rich! Our income only made it possible for us to have good credit so we could borrow more money. The people begging to work were caught in the trap of owning things that they had to work all the time to pay for. Which meant they could not enjoy the stuff they bought because they were always working. A vicious circle that the Scripture warns us about many times.
Third, I saw what was happening to marriages and families of the people I worked with. Men and women spent more time at work than they did with their families. Since I often worked second shift (3 pm - 3 am), I was asleep when the kids went to school and I was at work when they got out. As the years went by, I saw many families torn apart. People had chosen their jobs over their families and the price they paid was a horrible one.
Everyone suffered, especially the children. Many men and women left their spouses for someone at work because they spent more time with them and talked with them more. When it came so close to happening to me too, it was time to get out!
So, I filled out all of the necessary paperwork to leave TRW in April, 1989. My last day would be August 18 (I was to start college at TTU on August 21). I notified them early because I knew the temptation to stay would get worse the closer I got to August and I wanted to make sure there was absolutely no way I could back out. It is a good thing I did because the last few months were the most difficult and trying months I had ever experienced.
My so called "friends" immediately turned on me when they found out I was quitting. Many stopped talking to me altogether. Others were constantly attacking and berating me. They would say things like "You aren't actually going to leave, are you? Nobody has ever quit their job here. You won't go through with it." OR "Are you crazy? Look at how much money you make. You can't make that kind of money anywhere in East Tennessee." OR (my favorite, yet most ironic attack) "Think about your family, Tony. How are you going to support them. This is such a selfish decision on your part. Think about it!"
However, the worst attacks were lodged against my wife. Wives of my coworkers would call Karen and actually yell at her for "letting me quit." They cussed her, called her every name in the book, and in a couple of instances, actually threatened her with physical harm if I went through with my decision to leave. Why, you may ask? The theme of all the calls was essentially the same: Now that someone had decided that they cared more about other things than the income they made at TRW, other men and women began pondering the same thing. This made the spouses (men and women) furious. They didn't care if the job was killing their spouse or that their children were being hurt. All they cared about was the money. My leaving was a threat to them.
Finally, August 18th arrived. I hit the backdoor of the plant and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yet, to this day, the physical, emotional, psychological, and financial repercussions of choosing to ignore God's calling on my life are still with me. On nights when my sleep is disturbed and the pain is unbearable, 100% of the time, my dreams (nightmares) are about TRW. I can see the people, hear the noises, touch the equipment, and even smell the stench of that factory. I wake up gasping for breath with a racing heart and cannot go back to sleep.
You may be thinking "Tony, that is so horrible. Where was God during all of this?" Well, I am glad you asked. You see, there was a life and a plan that God had for me. When I chose to ignore His clear intent for my life, my choice came with consequences (yours do as well). God loves you and me. He sent His Son to die on a Cross for you and me. He is a forgiving and merciful God. So, where was God? He was right there with me the whole time. The pain of the last 25 years is not His fault. It's mine. The fact that I am writing this blog and have served Him in ministry says nothing about me, but it says everything about Him. He is an awesome God.
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Many people struggle with decisions they must make in their lives. Bookstores, the internet, TV, and yes, even blogs, offer self-help advice, books, videos, and seminars on how you can have your best life now. How you can overcome and achieve anything if you put your mind to it. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Be successful. Get rich. Look better. Find the perfect mate.... and the list goes on and on. What's even worse is that many of these peddlers of "name it and claim it cultism" are so-called Christian preachers and bible "experts." So, where do we turn for the truth? The only place where all truth exists - The Word of God.
Have you ever noticed that there are no gray areas in God's Word? There is God's way and there is not God's way. No gray area in between. The Bible says there is good and evil, right and wrong, heaven and hell. You can be a wise man or a foolish man, walk on the narrow road or the wide road, lay up treasures in heaven or on earth, enter by the narrow gate or the wide gate, you cannot serve God and money. Ephesians 4 makes things so clear that even I cannot miss the truth:
We have one choice and two options. We must choose either God's way or reject God's way. Both choices have consequences. You and I have experienced the consequences of the latter, as well as the blessings of the former. So, why is it so difficult? Well, for one thing, we tend to view God's way as "constraining," "living by a set of rules," and "not a lot of fun." But answer me this, "Just how has living not God's way been working out for you?" Not living God's way is dark, painful, and filled with bondage. God's way is light, liberty, and freedom.
The most controversial thing Jesus ever said is found in John 14:6 "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life no one comes to the Father except through me." Again, simple, straightforward, no gray area to be found there. You want eternal life in Heaven with God, Jesus is the only way. You are free to reject it and choose not God's way. You may try to find some really smart scholar, author, or self-help guru to find you another way, but if it is not Jesus, then all other ways are not God's way no matter how good they may seem to you.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 1. Once again, the Scripture is very plain. If a man or woman wants to be blessed (happy) in their life, the psalmist gives us an outline of what that person's life will look like. For this blog post, I am only going to look at verse 1.
In Psalm 1:1 we find that the man or woman who wants to be blessed (happy) is going to know and live God's Way.
First, the Way we are to live should be based on the counsel of God and not men. That sounds simple enough, but, let's face it, we may say we want God's counsel, but our actions speak otherwise. We turn to the world for advice all the time. I've done it and you have too.
We seek worldly counsel because it makes us feel better about ourselves and it leads us in the direction we want to go in the first place. But God says, "Don't do it! I want to bless you, but you have to seek after My counsel." Often we respond just like the people did to the prophet Jeremiah,
Seeking the counsel of the wicked (ungodly) is the start of a slippery slope. Once we turn to the world for counsel, then the next thing we know we are standing alongside the world. The blessed man knows where the righteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. The unblessed man knows where the unrighteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. Who are you standing with? Don't tell me you don't know. You do! You may not want to admit it, but that does not change the facts. Ungodly counsel leads to ungodly friendships and makes one an enemy of God.
Already in verse 1, we have seen a progression from listening to the counsel of the world to standing alongside the world. Now, the Scripture points to the next, logical step along the path we have chosen -- sitting with the world. We have heard the world and we have walked with the world and now we are so comfortable in our position that we can sit down with the world.
Who are the scoffers? They are everywhere! They are the negative people who find fault in everything. They are loud in their disdain and contempt for the things of God. Oh, they may not speak of God directly, but their actions, words, and attitudes are completely opposed to God's Way.
When I first started work at TRW, I was young, very shy, and naive. I didn't know anyone there, so I kept to myself. During our breaks and at lunch, I sat alone, but I noticed a large group of men who sat together at a long table. They were laughing and they were loud. Eventually, they invited me to join them. Before long, I was laughing at their crude humor, listening to their horror stories about marriage, and especially their attitudes toward women. I was taking in their counsel without even having to ask.
Pretty soon, I went from listening to their counsel to hanging out with them before and after work. Playing golf with them. I was standing with them because I knew who they were and they had accepted me as one of their own. I was on the fastest part of the slippery slope I talked about earlier.
Finally, I became one of them. I was sitting with the scoffers. No, actually I felt so at home that I became one of the scoffers myself. I could cuss with the best (worst) of them. I could tell jokes just like the ones they told. I would share stories about my marriage and my wife. I even started to bum cigarettes from them even though I did not smoke. That is how comfortable I was in sitting with them. By the time I decided to quit, I was the "leader" of that whole group of people, and I would be the one to "invite" newcomers to "come and join us at our table." They would! And the vicious circle was complete.... Except for one man, Joe Edwards.
Joe never would sit at our table. I hated Joe Edwards! He showed up to work early. He started working on time. He did not go to break or lunch early like the rest of us. He was back at work when he was supposed to be while the rest of us lingered around in no hurry. He did not cuss, smoke, or drink. He was always smiling and had a kind word for everyone. And in return, we all despised him.
Joe was a Christian! During lunch, he might pass by our table and pat one of us on the back and invite us to church. As bad as my vulgar mouth was, he never criticized me or pointed his finger at me. He would simply put his arm around me and say "You know, you don't have to be like them. Let me know if I can help you." I despised him even more.
However, when I decided to quit my job, the only person in my department who congratulated and assured me that it was ok was.... yeah, Joe Edwards.
During my last months there, I sat at a different table. With Joe. I realized that the reason I had hated him was because the testimony he lived out in front of me was so Christlike that it convicted me of just how far I had strayed from the Lord. It was not a pleasing experience. It hurt. And it was all Joe's fault. Well, it was God's fault, but it is a lot easier to blame someone else than to blame God.
Today, I thank God for placing Joe Edwards in my life. I don't believe I would have left my job without his influence on my life. It has been 25 years since I left TRW. In all those years, there is not a week that goes by that I don’t think about Joe Edwards.
Sadly, as I was preparing this blog, I discovered that Joe passed away 3 years ago. I wish I could have told him what he meant to me and how God has used me over the years. Somehow, I think he knows.
Early in 1989, the call to ministry resurfaced. Once again, I balked. Instead of listening to the Lord, I decided to quit my job and move the family halfway across the state to Cookeville in order to go back to college. I was absolutely running from God. I was hoping that since I had never heard of Cookeville before that God hadn't either. Running and hiding from God?? No wonder the first sermon that I would preach was about Jonah. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Several other factors contributed to my decision to leave TRW. First, I began to notice that I could no longer complete a sentence without using profanity. It was something that had happened gradually. But, when I first really noticed it, I felt so ashamed at what had happened to me, as well as disappointed in the person I had become.
Second, I started to see what the job was doing to the people I worked with. My department was the one area of the factory that worked 7 days a week constantly. Other departments worked a lot of overtime, but nowhere near what we did. However, while I was begging for weekends and holidays off, most of my coworkers were begging to work. I saw grown men crying and pleading with supervisors to find them something to do on the weekend even if just meant sweeping and mopping floors.
I didn't understand it at the time, but I realized later that even though we made a lot of money, we were not rich! Our income only made it possible for us to have good credit so we could borrow more money. The people begging to work were caught in the trap of owning things that they had to work all the time to pay for. Which meant they could not enjoy the stuff they bought because they were always working. A vicious circle that the Scripture warns us about many times.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)
He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity... (Ecclesiastes 5:10)
Third, I saw what was happening to marriages and families of the people I worked with. Men and women spent more time at work than they did with their families. Since I often worked second shift (3 pm - 3 am), I was asleep when the kids went to school and I was at work when they got out. As the years went by, I saw many families torn apart. People had chosen their jobs over their families and the price they paid was a horrible one.
Everyone suffered, especially the children. Many men and women left their spouses for someone at work because they spent more time with them and talked with them more. When it came so close to happening to me too, it was time to get out!
So, I filled out all of the necessary paperwork to leave TRW in April, 1989. My last day would be August 18 (I was to start college at TTU on August 21). I notified them early because I knew the temptation to stay would get worse the closer I got to August and I wanted to make sure there was absolutely no way I could back out. It is a good thing I did because the last few months were the most difficult and trying months I had ever experienced.
My so called "friends" immediately turned on me when they found out I was quitting. Many stopped talking to me altogether. Others were constantly attacking and berating me. They would say things like "You aren't actually going to leave, are you? Nobody has ever quit their job here. You won't go through with it." OR "Are you crazy? Look at how much money you make. You can't make that kind of money anywhere in East Tennessee." OR (my favorite, yet most ironic attack) "Think about your family, Tony. How are you going to support them. This is such a selfish decision on your part. Think about it!"
However, the worst attacks were lodged against my wife. Wives of my coworkers would call Karen and actually yell at her for "letting me quit." They cussed her, called her every name in the book, and in a couple of instances, actually threatened her with physical harm if I went through with my decision to leave. Why, you may ask? The theme of all the calls was essentially the same: Now that someone had decided that they cared more about other things than the income they made at TRW, other men and women began pondering the same thing. This made the spouses (men and women) furious. They didn't care if the job was killing their spouse or that their children were being hurt. All they cared about was the money. My leaving was a threat to them.
Finally, August 18th arrived. I hit the backdoor of the plant and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yet, to this day, the physical, emotional, psychological, and financial repercussions of choosing to ignore God's calling on my life are still with me. On nights when my sleep is disturbed and the pain is unbearable, 100% of the time, my dreams (nightmares) are about TRW. I can see the people, hear the noises, touch the equipment, and even smell the stench of that factory. I wake up gasping for breath with a racing heart and cannot go back to sleep.
You may be thinking "Tony, that is so horrible. Where was God during all of this?" Well, I am glad you asked. You see, there was a life and a plan that God had for me. When I chose to ignore His clear intent for my life, my choice came with consequences (yours do as well). God loves you and me. He sent His Son to die on a Cross for you and me. He is a forgiving and merciful God. So, where was God? He was right there with me the whole time. The pain of the last 25 years is not His fault. It's mine. The fact that I am writing this blog and have served Him in ministry says nothing about me, but it says everything about Him. He is an awesome God.
Many people struggle with decisions they must make in their lives. Bookstores, the internet, TV, and yes, even blogs, offer self-help advice, books, videos, and seminars on how you can have your best life now. How you can overcome and achieve anything if you put your mind to it. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Be successful. Get rich. Look better. Find the perfect mate.... and the list goes on and on. What's even worse is that many of these peddlers of "name it and claim it cultism" are so-called Christian preachers and bible "experts." So, where do we turn for the truth? The only place where all truth exists - The Word of God.
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call — one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:4-6 ESV)
We have one choice and two options. We must choose either God's way or reject God's way. Both choices have consequences. You and I have experienced the consequences of the latter, as well as the blessings of the former. So, why is it so difficult? Well, for one thing, we tend to view God's way as "constraining," "living by a set of rules," and "not a lot of fun." But answer me this, "Just how has living not God's way been working out for you?" Not living God's way is dark, painful, and filled with bondage. God's way is light, liberty, and freedom.
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1 (ESV)
Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. (1 Peter 2:16 ESV)
The most controversial thing Jesus ever said is found in John 14:6 "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life no one comes to the Father except through me." Again, simple, straightforward, no gray area to be found there. You want eternal life in Heaven with God, Jesus is the only way. You are free to reject it and choose not God's way. You may try to find some really smart scholar, author, or self-help guru to find you another way, but if it is not Jesus, then all other ways are not God's way no matter how good they may seem to you.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 1. Once again, the Scripture is very plain. If a man or woman wants to be blessed (happy) in their life, the psalmist gives us an outline of what that person's life will look like. For this blog post, I am only going to look at verse 1.
In Psalm 1:1 we find that the man or woman who wants to be blessed (happy) is going to know and live God's Way.
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (Psalm 1:1 ESV)
First, the Way we are to live should be based on the counsel of God and not men. That sounds simple enough, but, let's face it, we may say we want God's counsel, but our actions speak otherwise. We turn to the world for advice all the time. I've done it and you have too.
We seek worldly counsel because it makes us feel better about ourselves and it leads us in the direction we want to go in the first place. But God says, "Don't do it! I want to bless you, but you have to seek after My counsel." Often we respond just like the people did to the prophet Jeremiah,
Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ (Jeremiah 6:16 ESV)
Seeking the counsel of the wicked (ungodly) is the start of a slippery slope. Once we turn to the world for counsel, then the next thing we know we are standing alongside the world. The blessed man knows where the righteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. The unblessed man knows where the unrighteous congregate. He knows who they are. He chooses to stand with them. Who are you standing with? Don't tell me you don't know. You do! You may not want to admit it, but that does not change the facts. Ungodly counsel leads to ungodly friendships and makes one an enemy of God.
...Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4 ESV)
Already in verse 1, we have seen a progression from listening to the counsel of the world to standing alongside the world. Now, the Scripture points to the next, logical step along the path we have chosen -- sitting with the world. We have heard the world and we have walked with the world and now we are so comfortable in our position that we can sit down with the world.
Who are the scoffers? They are everywhere! They are the negative people who find fault in everything. They are loud in their disdain and contempt for the things of God. Oh, they may not speak of God directly, but their actions, words, and attitudes are completely opposed to God's Way.
When I first started work at TRW, I was young, very shy, and naive. I didn't know anyone there, so I kept to myself. During our breaks and at lunch, I sat alone, but I noticed a large group of men who sat together at a long table. They were laughing and they were loud. Eventually, they invited me to join them. Before long, I was laughing at their crude humor, listening to their horror stories about marriage, and especially their attitudes toward women. I was taking in their counsel without even having to ask.
Pretty soon, I went from listening to their counsel to hanging out with them before and after work. Playing golf with them. I was standing with them because I knew who they were and they had accepted me as one of their own. I was on the fastest part of the slippery slope I talked about earlier.
Finally, I became one of them. I was sitting with the scoffers. No, actually I felt so at home that I became one of the scoffers myself. I could cuss with the best (worst) of them. I could tell jokes just like the ones they told. I would share stories about my marriage and my wife. I even started to bum cigarettes from them even though I did not smoke. That is how comfortable I was in sitting with them. By the time I decided to quit, I was the "leader" of that whole group of people, and I would be the one to "invite" newcomers to "come and join us at our table." They would! And the vicious circle was complete.... Except for one man, Joe Edwards.
Joe never would sit at our table. I hated Joe Edwards! He showed up to work early. He started working on time. He did not go to break or lunch early like the rest of us. He was back at work when he was supposed to be while the rest of us lingered around in no hurry. He did not cuss, smoke, or drink. He was always smiling and had a kind word for everyone. And in return, we all despised him.
Joe was a Christian! During lunch, he might pass by our table and pat one of us on the back and invite us to church. As bad as my vulgar mouth was, he never criticized me or pointed his finger at me. He would simply put his arm around me and say "You know, you don't have to be like them. Let me know if I can help you." I despised him even more.
However, when I decided to quit my job, the only person in my department who congratulated and assured me that it was ok was.... yeah, Joe Edwards.
During my last months there, I sat at a different table. With Joe. I realized that the reason I had hated him was because the testimony he lived out in front of me was so Christlike that it convicted me of just how far I had strayed from the Lord. It was not a pleasing experience. It hurt. And it was all Joe's fault. Well, it was God's fault, but it is a lot easier to blame someone else than to blame God.
Today, I thank God for placing Joe Edwards in my life. I don't believe I would have left my job without his influence on my life. It has been 25 years since I left TRW. In all those years, there is not a week that goes by that I don’t think about Joe Edwards.
Sadly, as I was preparing this blog, I discovered that Joe passed away 3 years ago. I wish I could have told him what he meant to me and how God has used me over the years. Somehow, I think he knows.
Is there a Joe Edwards in your life? Does your life reflect Christ to those who you come in contact with? Most of us want to be blessed (happy) in our lives. Well, Psalm 1:1 lays out the first steps for living that will lead the believer who follows it toward a blessed and abundant life. The rest of Psalm 1 builds upon that foundation. Unless, the Lord leads otherwise, we will look at the rest of Psalm 1 in the next blog.
Click here to go to "God's Way or Not God's Way?" - Part 2
Click here to go to "God's Way or Not God's Way?" - Part 2